"Suzana Da Camara" Blog

Pipa - Kite

Today I worked with the children and focused on family...

Each child painted a picture of their family. It was a very interesting observation for me because most of the pictures told me that these kids are being raised by their grandparents or by a single parent.

Jonatan is a young boy who wanted to paint two pictures..so I let him paint two. The first picture was with his whole family and then the second picture was with him and his father only. I know for a fact Jonatan does not have a father in his life..but he wishes he did.

The children were so great to work with..they behaved so well..much better than I did when I was their age. Some kids took the whole 2 hours to do their painting.

You can tell so much by how the children work when they are creating little masterpieces. One of the questions I got asked by these two 8 year old twins as they pointed to their picture was `Is this ugly?´. And I have observed these twins a few times and I noticed they would have finished a great drawing and then they would redraw it over and over again. Perhaps, they are perfectionists? But to ask if it is ugly? I didn´t want to start analyzing but it was apparent to me that they are not told enough how great their work is. So, I looked at their work and said ´Ugly? are you crazy..it´s beautiful´and they would laugh and I could see they felt so good about their work. After that they would simply call me to show their art..and it was my place to tell them that it was great.

It is important to validate a child's hard work with appreciating..even if you think its the ugliest thing you have ever seen...understand that they love it and its about them not you.

Thanks for reading

New Living Space

I have moved to a new living space to have a different experience.

So far I love it. I am living with Sister Mona and Sister Clarice..they are exceptional women. They are very open minded and completely accept my beliefs without judgment.

The kids in the neighbourhood performed a song, dance and presented a card upon my first night. At the end of their performance I went over to my toy bag, that I had brought from Canada, and had them choose 2 items each. One from an accessory bag..another with random toys (skipping rope, robots etc). The first bag had shiny hair clips, colourful elastics etc...and out of all the items, two of the girls chose a toothbrush. That was very interesting to me..I looked at them as if they had made a mistake. The simple item we get from our dentist for free, or buy at a local drugstore for $2.25, obviously, has become another lesson for me.

The second bag had skipping ropes, markers, figurines ... and the 4 of them chose a pencil each. Simple as that. Not the glitter lipstick, skipping rope or markers....a pencil.

I hugged them and off they went outside to play.

I went to observe their play, and I noticed they had a bag they were throwing around, so I asked them what they were doing. They were playing dodge ball with a chip bag stuffed with garbage. They turned a chip bag into a ball...as best they could. So, the first thing I did today was walk to the local store and bought them a beach ball to play with..and we played dodge ball till my clothes were soaked with sweat..which doesn't take very long in Brasil because its so HOT! (there´s a lot of balls in that sentence HA!)

I noticed their senses are so much more present. These kids have nothing..so when you offer them something ´luxurious´ like a pencil..they become very appreciative.

I know these girls will guard these pencils in a safe place and think to only use it on a special occasion..like I think to decorate my eyes on a special night out.

Thank you

Suzana

Week Splendor

Well there´s a good excuse for my absence in the blog - my mother came to visit!

I have to say it was perfect having my mother here for 2 weeks. It has been a long time since I have had the chance to spend quality time with her. That includes Canada where we have such busy lives..and it was also wonderful to have a break in between my work..so I could recharge.

I followed my mother as if I were an infant again..I loved being around her. She has taught me how to be extremely independent and sometimes it can come across as distant but those who know me, know that I adore all of those who are in my life.  I value this trait because I have learned more about who I am as an individual. Enjoying my own company has taught me to recognize mt negativity when I feel it..and it also has developed my instincts, which is very important to me. While I still encompass the fact that we are all connected even when we don't feel like we are.

I took 4 days off from teaching and I feel a bit guilty but it was good for me because I really look forward to seeing the kids again. I needed to step away from the impoverished frequency to understand my ground. Staying in a simple hotel with my mother brought up some distraught emotions, like the one I mentioned a few seconds ago - guilt. I got to swim everyday, go out to dinner, shop ..and afterward I felt empty. But I realized that it was the emotion I was spewing while I was shopping, things are cheaper because our dollar was worth more and I had to control myself. Why did I need to buy another pair of shoes? because the price is right? because it camouflages the fact that I have ugly feet (lol)? because I have the power buy? It just adds more things to my closet.

Material possessions mean nothing - love is everything. The kind of love without possession, without jealousy, just whole hearted, unconditional love. I still shopped. I let the suns rays seduce my skin with the thought that I would look better - and I enjoyed every bit of it. I am going to leave it at that. It does not good for the poor if I feel guilt or shame and especially no good for my heart.

Thank you for reading

Suzana

Courtesy

My time has been flying ...

I took a bus to the center of the city today. While I was on the bus there were no seats available so I stood up. A woman offered to place my bags on her lap because she was sitting down. But, that is 100% normal here..I think it is very courteous...

Today, I purchased sandals and clothes for Anna´s kids. Sister Mona purchased hammocks for the kids to sleep in because the mother had burned them all. After we shopped all day for the kids, we went straight to their house and gave them their new items. The excitement was very apparent..the older kid, Daniel, showed me his school work. He loves math..and has learned a bunch of english words he was eager to share with me. At the end of the visit Daniel told me he loved me in english. I didn´t know what to say so I just hugged and kissed him.

I bought a hammock for myself...once you are in a hammock,there's no going back..it is SO comfortable!

Some new news is that my mother arrives in Fortaleza, Brasil Wed morning at 3:30 in the morning. I look forward to seeing her, and spending some quality time.

Thank you for reading.

Suzana

Letter From Gabriel

I was feeling horrible a couple days ago about the robbery..but that same day I received a letter from a young boy named Gabriel, telling me how great he thinks I am.

Gabriel is such a wonderful kid. I will be sure to post a pic of this sweet young man soon. That small gesture made my week. It´s the little things that us woman love, eh ladies?

At first  when I saw these kids, I thought it would be hard to hug the and stuff b/c of their emotional issues, and the fact that they live in very unclean environments. I got over that  in 5 minutes..and hugged and  kissed these kids as long as they needed. The kids are extremely affectionate here..and by the end of the day us volunteers feel so drained for giving SO much of our own energy to fill their neglected void...but its worth it.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for reading.

Suzana

´It´s just a ride...`- Bill Hicks

I had 4 kids in a group to teach photography and we all went out into the neighbourhood to take pictures. 15 minutes into our journey..a 15 - 17 year old kid appeared on a bike and grabbed one of the camera´s out of the kids hand. Then the thief screamed that he wanted one more and took another one.

The kids were in shock...naturally. It´s hard to put things in writing when I am filled with many emotions right now including; sadness, guilt, fear all the emotions I have a choice to feel in Canada. Here there seems to be no choice....

I was right next to the robber, he looked right at me with my camera and did nothing. The first thing I looked for was a gun or a knife...he didn´t have anything except a bike. I was relieved for that but I knew all he wanted was the camera. He will probably sell it for $25 dollars US and then buy drugs. Most robberies that happen are to support drug addictions.

The thing that hurts the most is that I am suppose to bring joy and fun to kids...and instead I brought fear. I feel horrible. I couldn´t cry in front of the children..so I waited till I got home. Then I figured out a way for the kids to use the cameras safely within the school and make it just as fun..

I could care less about the camera´s. Having the kids safe was the only important thing. So many things entered my mind while walking back to the school; freedom, addictions, materialism, hope, compassion, if I would see my family and friends again, if I am truly doing what  I desire. How many of us are doing what we truly desire? How many of us are addicted to material things? Who would you be without your material possessions or your addictions?

“It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.”    - Bill hicks

Bill Hicks is one of my favorite comedians...he makes me implode with relief. This quote speaks to me even more now. How do we live without fear when a whole society is based on fear? Although, I believe that we, in North America, are controlled in many ways we still have the choice to wake up. These kids are still in a nightmare..they won´t wake up to  see(k) truth because they are glutted in worries of robbery, machoism, racism, sexism, government and police corruption every single day, and the list goes on and on. We have the choice to WAKE UP from our attempted flawless lives and look deep within.

We have the choice to walk out our door without worrying as much about who is going to pull a gun on us, the choice to express our opinion without the fear of being killed. We have the choice to follow our dreams, express random love, fight for our rights, devour decadent foods, play games with those we care about, ignore the truth, get in fights for no good reason, fill our void with fucking, laugh at others to make ourselves feel better, talk rather than act, meditate, give compassion, be equanimous,work on loving ourselves, love one another, realize we are all one..these things are ours to play with...

Whats the point of me saying all of the above? I don´t mean that we have to become radical activists but the least one can do (if unconditional love is out of the question) and to give justice to those that live in fear everyday is be grateful...

´Freedom is the absence of Feardom´

watch a little bill hicks - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q95kX_EP2Nk

Photography

I am going to make this short.

I taught 6 groups of 5 today..and it was a true success. I am going to post some pictures the children took. Things are going very well..I am workin hard!

I hope everyone is doing well!

Oh..update!  Anna and her kids will be moving into a new house very soon!

He whispered ´Nobody gives me affection´

I am still complaining how hot it is here. I seem to lack energy during the morning and afternoons b/c of the heat, ai !!!!.. so hot! But, I got up at 8:00 am to arrive at a location where a group of kids need attention.

Upon arrival, I catch myself feeling a bit uncomfortable walking down this narrow path with garbage, broken doors and a very unclean smell. I arrive at the location we are to set up and I am thinking ´where do we work? ´ and I knew this was it. It was a like a construction site. The creek passed through their back yards of these homes and it contains all the sink sewage of the neighbourhood. These families bath in these conditions. There was left over cement, sand cement piles, a couple of trees and thats it. We pick up tables and chairs from inside the center and we set them up...bring out colouring books and crayons and we start the day..

I fell in love with a young boy named Charlon. I have a picture with him - which I will post soon. He is a beautiful boy. There are six kids total in this family. Their mother, Patricia, was very affectionate with them but she left her kids to be with another man. I believe she has the three older ones with her but the little ones are living with their father - and he can be, let´s say, difficult.

Anyway, Charlon would hug and kiss me and I was hanging him upside down and I was swinging him around and then we sat down to rest. I sat down on the dirt ground and he gently came over to me and sat on my lap. He cupped his hand and whispered in my ear and said ´Ninguem dar Carrinho´ which means ´no one gives me affection´ - I didn´t know what to say. I just looked into his BIG beautiful brown eyes and gave him a kiss on the cheek and hugged him SO tight. Thats all I could do. I wanted to cry so many times... but they didn´t need that. They shed enough tears for me and all of you combined.

GO AND GIVE CARRINHO (Affection) ... GO!

I am sorry if I am making any of you depressed but I must tell you that this is what I am experiencing.

I was with them for 3 hours and it felt like I worked a 12 hour shift scrubbing floors while listening to punk music for 12 hours straight...I was exhausted.

But! we still laughed and had fun...I swear. I want to smack some of these parents but I know I have to have compassion for them too..but it´s difficult for me.

Thank you for reading.

Suzana

Happy Chinese New Year - Rat

I have the lovely privilege of eating fresh tropical fruit - like papaya, mangoes and avocado! And I make passion fruit juice every couple of days. I get to work outside in the garden and wash dishes in the outside sink, hand wash my clothes, pick herbs for dinner, and when I am done with all the walls of my fruit I place them in a compost and hoe the soil so it can be rich and healthy. I really love this way of living..it is very natural and fulfilling.

Sister Clarice is here right now, she is an immaculate woman. I adore her. She is helping prepare for the Chinese New Year because the Sister I live with is Chinese...and it is the Year of the Rat.

You would think that the home I live would be all conservative, I was worried about that, but the first thing I am offered is gin and tonic..and the Sisters love their drinks. Talking about sex, love, life is a usual topic of conversation. I told them about me hosting the No Pant Subway Ride in Toronto - if anyone wants to read it, here is the link ; http://www.thestar.com/News/article/293557

They loved the fact that I did this...hehe

Now these are my kind of women! Very open minded, humble and a little wacky but in a good way. I feel at home with them - phew, I was worried I would not be able to me myself!

I will be getting my fortune cookie later - I will be sure to post my fortune later on this evening ;)

Thank you for reading!

Suzana

´Casa Positiva e Amorar´ Plan

Hello Everyone

I went to Carnival yesterday.. it was a wonderful experience. There´s so much time and work put into Carnival every year. Watching the children dance and sing in the parade was very interesting. They were awesome. The thing I was thinking about a lot was ´How are the kids able to dance and sing for hours while they have no food for energy?´ They are so resilient.

Anyway, I decided that I would start working on the plan for this idea for the people here in Brasil. To buy a house in the poor area is very in-expensive - around $3000 US. Theres already a dedicated woman, named Lusifania, who works with the poor everyday but does not get paid for it. She has 3 kids and has to provide for her own family. It would cost $800 US to have the school running with Lusifania receiving the basic salary of 500R Brasilian dollars which is $250 US and the rest to be for food, maintenace, bills, emergancies etc. Imagine that! If I had 40 people donate $20 US a month that would help women and children build their self - esteem, eat healthy nutricious food, learn how to take responsibility, learn how to reform their mind!! Imagine that?

All the Sisters here trust Lusifania with their life. She is not a Sister but she lives in the local area. She has gone back to school to finish her highschool and is doing GREAT! She has such a talent for getting things done! Rememeber the blog about the family with Mental illness? Well it was her who got someone to fix the shower and the taps in the house. She has been going to that house every day to be sure the kids are eating and cared for.

Anyway, she likes the idea of being the the patrao (Boss) of this Casa idea I have, but she has her doubts... if it would really happen or not. There would be showers, food provided 3 times a day with snacks, clothes sharing program, meditation lessons to learn how to ease stress etc, food bank  inside the home. The happy rules would require positive thinking only when in the casa, duties to be done, they can earn credits and this would allow them to bring home food for the family, take special courses etc. During school hours the mothers would be allowed to take showers, eat a healthy meal in the casa - learn skills to help provide for the family etc. Another rule is that the children must go to school after 3 months of being part of the Casa. School is free here.

I am starting to look for potential homes in the area for sale. I am not saying that this is happening right now because there are many legistics involved and I need to discuss more with the Sisters if there would be a collaboration with them or not.. lots of politics involved.

Anyway, anyone who is interested in this idea or interested in helping out.. please feel free to email me at Brazil @suzanamusic.com

Have a healthy wonderful day.