"Suzana Da Camara" Blog

I am so easily amused

Where does your time go? Do you spend the moments with your forehead crinkled in worry, buried in thoughts that you have no reign over? thoughts that grip us into the drama of our own reality. Or are you knee deep in feathers because you had a pillow fight with your mom?

 I always wonder about the next person I see; where do they hide their love letters? Does he dance in the nude when no one is watching?  Does she love herself as much as the man that is holding her? Would you confess your honesty to the woman you always wanted to dip in chocolate? Would you jump out of a plane and purge all your material possessions that never filled your void in the first place?

Iam curious if people crave honesty with themselves and everyone else around them. I wonder this because I have observed that people prefer to sweep their hearty desires away from view or away from danger. Perhaps it is the conquest that is more romantic than the actual feeling? I don't know.

 I believe that we are the creators of our glorious canvasses throughout life,but what happens when there's that one drip that has turned into the monster blob on our canvass? The blob is not necessarily bad, but just seems to have shackled you down.

I am someone that loves to ponder and dive deep into the murky ocean and pull up a surprise because I think that's what life is all about...pull up a little creature that evokes a million questions and then become fascinated by the answers.

But it is easy to look for those answers (especially with google) but it seems to be hard for the simple things now a days. I feel like I am missing some warmth. There's so much productivity happening, don't get me wrong I love to progress and move forward to achieve, achieve, achieve.... but where is the simplicity? 

I never want to lose the beauty of the simplest things. The eyeballs of a snails retractable tentacles - brilliant. The gleam of the suns rays in between the vast trees. How the sun exposes my moms beautiful flesh. The way my best friends laugh...I always love the moments I see my friends happy, I make a note right away, in my head, and feel so cute that they are smiling.

We are  in the final stages of rehearsal...it is close. I look forward to the simplicity of sharing my music without beg or whoring. I simply want to do what I love and I can't wait to share it. But I wont beg for you to join me, I will only ask and I hope you take the invitation that I am so proud to offer.

It is 3 am and I am just rambling. I am not a writer so please absolve me from any errors.

Suzana

I will try not to be so heavy next time...hehe

Anticipation

My band mates and I are learning to enjoy the journey of creating an album and being sure we love the aberration of works after the infatuation part has faded. We have 10 very strong pieces of music that we are constantly twirling with..because, like in a relationship, we must go through the seasons to understand all the shapes and moods in order be sure of our lifetime.

Some could say this is an excuse but we have to do it right this time. I have band-mates that have admonished me and my efforts and inturn have challenged me to do better (but only after I got all defensive)...

The reason my title is anticipation is because we are waiting to hear back from our grant application. We have received a few teasers in the mail; one flyer and one returned support material but no reply yet. This grant will give us the freedom to record the album the proper way, at cbc studio with the 1963 steinway. My co-writer and I have funded all 3 of our albums with the help of friends, family and no savings account...we hope this time we get the support from the Arts Council.

Thank you for reading.

Suzana

The love just keeps getting stronger..

Hello My Friends...

We are currently working on the finishing touches of the material. We have the bed tracks worked out and I am just revising lyrics. Lyrics are such a fragile thing ... it is important to evoke thought but also significant to allow the listener to relate in their own way. There's such a wide range of topic with my writing this time...of course still about love - I am a hopeless romantic - but also about oblivious love, sinister men, genuine love, quirky finds, nature, secrets....

I am enjoying this process. As I told a friend that writing lyrics seems to be a reckless love affair for me. It can take days to render a perfect line and then a moment of climatic pieces all working together to expose (to me) the loveliest emotion. Although it has taken me hostage many many nights I am  trying to remain unequivocal. I find it so wilted when someone is trying too hard...

I want everyone to know that I have never been so proud of material like I am with these pieces. They are so uncommon yet so gratifying. Your ears will (brain) will perk up with interest and will be left with lingering melodies all night long. I am in love with this album and its not even done yet!! For anyone that knows me well, also knows that I rarely flaunt or brag about anything (my mother raised me to be humble) - but I just can't resist and this is something you won't want to miss.

Suzana

Proposition 8

I can't believe we still live in such a prejudice society ....

Do we take like that much for granted that we fuss about the sexual preference of another human being? There is so much suffering and death but there needs to be an implementation of another restriction to our human right to choose who we love? Give me a break. This is ludicrous.

Never let anyone or any institution tell you who you can choose to be with for your eternity. Don't feed into it and just GET MARRIED. It may not be the conventional way, but think outside of the box, make your own contract with your own vows. Tab into some creativity and choose a person you admire that will marry you. You don't need any other injunction, but your own. I know there's more to it, as far as benefits etc, but this can be a start.

I know it seems odd and idealistic, but life is what you make it...and it is your canvas, so PAINT!

Suzana

Times of Change

Well, I must say I am pleased to see that the people of America have announced their arrival for change, especially the 18-29 age group. According to CBC reports this was the best turn-around rate in 44 years with 64.1 % of eligible voters cast ballots.

Obama has so much clean up to do and I hope the people give him that chance without focusing on the colour of his skin - this is not a black, white or race issue..this is about representing the American people the best possible way. Hopefully this will dissipate some of the resentment most countries have for the U.S. I believe Obama will be tested in many ways and I also believe he has the stability and confidence to lead the country in the right direction as long as the honesty with the American people are always at surface. People are aware now more than ever, and cannot be underestimated. The people are the power for change and peace.

We never know what life will throw us, but this is a very momentous time in history. When I see promises fulfilled and positive action taking place, I will respect Obama - let us see what happens.

Have a wonderful day!!

Change is Constant

I have a confession to make, I am horrible with routine and I believe that is apparent with my blogging. I am going to try to be more active, but I have to buy a new computer first as for the time being I am using the library Internet.

I have another excuse..we are creating the new album! I am so excited about this project. If I had to give some description to it, I would say colourful with a pinch of edge. We are aiming for a cd release party in early spring of 2009, and I assure it is a show you will not want to miss.

After my journey in Brazil I have definitely been more focused and sure of my goals. Sometimes we are so indulged in what we think we are supposed to do we lose the magic of the process. I would say the business aspect of being a singer had taken over and my energy was being split many ways, now I sing and co-write with my two great friends Mike Dell and, the new addition, Randall Savoie. The three of us have a great dynamic and I can't wait to share it with the world.

I hope this blog finds you well and please never hesitate to post a message.

Simply Survival

First, I want to say Happy Birthday to my friend Whiteny Dell!!!!

Easter is a time most celebrated by the Brasilian people other than Carnival. People go to church everyday, if not several times a day. During Holy Thursday people purchase beans and rice and hand it out to the poor. Today, we had 3 kids clapping (Brasilian way of knocking) and begging for food. Two 11 year old and one 5 year old. So Clarice, my wonderful friend, gathered all of our left overs from lunch; potatoes, beans and squash, and put in a dish for them. I went out to greet them and I recognized one of the kids from the school I work at. I watched them plunge their spoons into their dish of mixed food and devouring every bit. They were sitting on the ground without hesitation. They were filthy from head to toe with their hair knotted and the saddest faces.

So, once they were done, I told them to come in the house. They walked in slowly while gazing at everything in the house. When they passed the TV .. one of them pointed and giggled in excitement. We went to the back room and I gathered soap, shampoo and a big fat comb for big hair like mine and I started the party. They each took a shower and giggled the whole time...he he Then I shampooed and conditioned their hair with the best stuff I could find. I combed every knot out gently, all the while asking them about heir family, friends, and their favorite subjects. One of the girls, Valerie, has 10 brothers and sisters and her favorite subject is math.

I went into my suitcase to look for some clothes I could give and a cockroach appeared EWWWWW..I tossed it out and still did not have the courage to kill it. I pulled out some clothing and gave it to them...

Just before they left, Valerie said ´give me a pencil´and I looked at her gently and said ´is that how you ask for things? How about please?´..so she repeated the question to only appease me and to get a pencil..but not because she understood. I realized that learning etiquette was not their priority, it´s simply survival . I had to catch myself with my impatience and be compassionate. I just pictured my mother giving me her gypsy eyes with her left brow raised in disapproval HAHA - the good old days.

I can´t believe how much I have learned in these past 2 months. I still have 10 days and I am going to enjoy every bit of it.

Thank you for reading.

Suzana

Lucy

A few of my friends mentioned to me that they were going to see an indigenous healer, who was originally from the Amazon, named Lucy. As soon as they told me that, my instinct told me I had to go. So, I went out for lunch with some friends and then took a bus to my destination. I arrived at 4 :00 pm. Anybody that wants to have a consultation with Lucy has to arrive at 6:30 am in the morning and book for later that day, if you come any later - most likely you will not get a spot.

I arrived without making an appointment, like I said, 4 pm that day. There were four ladies plus myself waiting. I wanted a consult but I would not be unhappy if I didn´t get one because she had it set the way she did for a reason and that was fine. When the secretary saw me she asked if I wanted to see Lucy - I said yes. She said only if someone cancels, which was more than fair. I knew I was meant to be there. Anyway, another rule is that you have to be patient because she takes as long as she needs to talk with each person. So, we all waited patiently and I watched ´Edward Scissor hands´in Portuguese. A few hours later a woman had decided she waited long enough - so she left. That meant I was in. I felt so grateful and calmly knew that was the way it was meant to be.

It felt worth it already that I waited for 4 hours.As I walked into her humble room I noticed how simple it was. An ordinary kitchen table in a large plain white room with nothing standing out. Not a picture, nor plant or coffee machine. It was as simple as could be. I had heard so much about her work and how miraculous she has been for so many peoples lives...I don´t know what I was expecting, but her energy was a light to be unforgotten.

Anyway, I sat down across from her. Her beautiful green, hazel eyes were set far apart on her face.. soft and gentle. She had so many profound wrinkles on her face as if every wrinkle represented a human life she has saved with her healing. Although she seemed thin and frail she was ready to go. I focused while she whispered her instincts about my health. I had a friend close by to catch anything I couldn´t, just to be safe. She would go through this thin book, that I assumed she put together,..they were different pages with an array of cells in different order. She would close her eyes and place her index finger and thumb together while creating a figure 8 like symbol and whispered her words.

She told me I had yellow fever, malaria and the northeast virus. While she spoke a young girl to the left of her would write everything down that I needed to know to heal. She said I needed to take care of these viruses first, than return after the Easter holiday so she could speak to me about another issue that was significant. I felt very curious about this request. I am not the type of person that can wait when someone tells me they need to say something important - I beg until I find out. But, I had to think about the fact that I had these viruses in my body and I needed to be rid of them. I was sent off to purchase some medicinal herbs from her pantry and off I went. I am still extremely curious as to what she needs to talk to me about but I must wait. I will be seeing her again on the 24th of March.

I can´t tell you how right this feels that I am seeing her...and we will just have to wait and see.

Besides that!

I was invited to go to a theater show downtown Fortaleza. It was about a 40 minute bus ride to the theater and what a ride it was.

There were over 15 dances performed from African , Indian, Forro, Capoiera etc. It was incredible to watch. It was interesting for me because I go to step out of this reality into another one where many Brasilians live happily and comfortably. I confess, I really liked it..and it made me think that I would spend some glorious time upon my arrival to Toronto in more dance and music performances.

Thank you for reading

,,,

Marianna

Every Thursday morning I take a motorcycle taxi to the school I teach at for 3 dollars. It is well worth the ride because the bus system is a roller coaster ride..you go in with clean clothes and come out with a few bruises and smelling like you´ve worked on the farm all day in the beating hot sun. I still take the bus for the experience..but I make sure I have no where to go afterward.

I have really become accustomed to Brasil. I love the kids and they show me love every time they see me. I truly adore them. Working here has definitely made me question if I should have my own children.

Today I taught dance with 4 girls today. Marianna was one of my students and is always 100% enthusiastic and excited to learn more about dance. I decided that I would support her to become a dance teacher and pay for her certificate to become an instructor. Marianna comes from a very poor family with lots of negativity. Since she was a child she has been physically abused and obviously feels unloved. When I see her dance, I can see the light in her eyes..and she completely escapes into her perfect world. Marianna wants to run her own studio one day, so lets get her started.

Anyone who would like to help out just send me an email and I will make sure to get back to you.

Thank you for reading.

Suzana

Pipa - Kite

Today I worked with the children and focused on family...

Each child painted a picture of their family. It was a very interesting observation for me because most of the pictures told me that these kids are being raised by their grandparents or by a single parent.

Jonatan is a young boy who wanted to paint two pictures..so I let him paint two. The first picture was with his whole family and then the second picture was with him and his father only. I know for a fact Jonatan does not have a father in his life..but he wishes he did.

The children were so great to work with..they behaved so well..much better than I did when I was their age. Some kids took the whole 2 hours to do their painting.

You can tell so much by how the children work when they are creating little masterpieces. One of the questions I got asked by these two 8 year old twins as they pointed to their picture was `Is this ugly?´. And I have observed these twins a few times and I noticed they would have finished a great drawing and then they would redraw it over and over again. Perhaps, they are perfectionists? But to ask if it is ugly? I didn´t want to start analyzing but it was apparent to me that they are not told enough how great their work is. So, I looked at their work and said ´Ugly? are you crazy..it´s beautiful´and they would laugh and I could see they felt so good about their work. After that they would simply call me to show their art..and it was my place to tell them that it was great.

It is important to validate a child's hard work with appreciating..even if you think its the ugliest thing you have ever seen...understand that they love it and its about them not you.

Thanks for reading